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The Paradox Of Awakening

The Paradox of Awakening

I’m feeling increasingly weary with—and disconnected from—the desecrated world created by species homo sapien. From the rapid demise of iconic animals such as orcas, elephants and giraffes, to the extinction of hundreds (perhaps thousands that we’re unaware of) species every single day, to unfathomable numbers of birds, fish and mammals being slaughtered, hunted and eaten into oblivion as they simultaneously lose habitat from human encroachment and climate disruption; polar bear cubs poisoned by their mothers milk from ubiquitous human pollutants; escalating mental illness expressed through xenophobia, misogyny, speciesism, hate, and violence; the immanent outbreak of world war 3; the accelerating breakdown of the ocean, the hyperactive Ring of Fire, and most troubling of all, the unprecedented meltdown of the Arctic—the now terminally ill regulator of our global climate. It’s all so dizzying, and I’ve barely scratched the surface.

Bottom line: We’re fucked.

Karma is a bitch. Happy new year.

Humans have multiplied and multiplied and multiplied and have taken and taken and taken from the Earth and have returned nothing but war, violence, cruelty, poison, rot, and garbage fowling every body of water, the seas, and the air, and the land. Our contempt for the sacred knows no limits.

Now we are living through increasingly aggressive droughts, wildfires, earthquakes, polar vortex’s, heatwaves, floods, tsunamis, blah, blah, blah. The Earth is writhing in pain and she’s bloody well fed up. The laws of the universe are inexorable. For every action, there is a reaction.

Action: Rape of the Earth. Reaction: Athropocentric climate disruption.

For every cause, there is an effect.

Cause: Human separation. Effect: Biosphere collapse.

Our allegiance to ecocide has sealed our fate and there is no planet B. When we look at our mortally wounded climate, it’s far too late to create, hope, or pray for change. A dying heartbeat cannot be resuscitated. The collective consciousness of 7.4 billion members of a Soul-deprived species has fucked it all up. Or as Climate Scientist, Paul Beckwith says, “Collectively, we are ignorant, brain-dead zombies, lurching into disaster.”

What an utterly arrogant, stupid, fucking, nightmarish shit-storm we’ve created.

Most humans are so trapped in the status quo of their monotonous lives that they will likely not even take notice of how absolutely, completely and totally screwed we are. They either drink from the fountain of hope or swallow the poison of denial—whatever addiction works best to maintain the semblance of “normal” in an increasingly abnormal world.

Humans have become a force to be reckoned with. A species responsible for destroying billions of years of evolution in the blink of an evolutionary eye. Greed, ignorance, arrogance, denial, hope, fear, blame, revenge, narcissism, and entitlement have been the primary drivers of a Soul-deprived collective.

Humans were a species with so much potential. Squandered on an illusion that seduced them into believing they were separate from the Earth. They failed the sacred—an evolutionary experiment gone terribly wrong.

Business as usual carries on as “invisible” collapse accelerates in every aspect of life on Earth. For anyone willing to stop long enough to feel the pulse of the Earth, there is no mistaking that the lifespan for humanity—and for all life—is coming to a rapid end. 2017 will be a year like no other and I confidently predict that the planet will be unrecognizable before the year is over. Whether this is literal, or that it means collective fear will be so out of control that there will be no semblance of politesse anymore is unknown to me. These are my shadowy premonitions.

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My life has been defined by a “knowing”—a heightened intuitive ability including prescience, clairsentience, clairaudience, and too many experiences with the afterlife to mention. I have lived with an amplified sensitivity to energy, which implores me to insulate from the claustrophobia of civilization and liberate myself in the expansiveness of nature. My “knowing” is directly connected to the Earth.

I have quietly lived with this sacred “knowing” all of my life. I never fit, and never really bothered either. I instinctively knew that “fitting” was not only wrong, it was destructive to the Soul. I rarely speak about this, but I’m finding it increasingly important to embrace all of who I am. This means no longer hiding, subduing or diluting my “psychic/intuitive self”. By saying yes to my Self and in claiming all of who I am, the internal messaging is arriving with greater clarity. My premonitions are pre-sent visions that inspire me to live more fully in the present.

In my recent premonitions I’m being shown an increasingly aggressive timeline. We (and sadly, all complex living beings) have less than 5 years before Gaea is finally cleansed of the blight of what we’ve allowed ourselves to become. It is the ultimate assault on the mighty, yet mortal conditioned human persona. Quoting Arnie, “Hasta la vista baby.” Tough love? Perhaps. C’est la vie.

Agree with me, call me “flake” or alarmist, it matters not. In over 50 years of life, my premonitions have never, ever been wrong.

Burn the witch!

As I wrote last year, it’s over.

It’s over because the collective have chosen for it to be over. The collective have chosen biosphere collapse, and now all energies are aligning for the collective intent to be made manifest. Sorry folks, but that’s the way it works when critical mass destroys the sacred.

2017 will be a year of great suffering, especially for those who remain attached to their stories, traumas, pains, wounds, victim consciousness, powerlessness, and most importantly, to their own mortality. It will be a year of great suffering for those who choose ego over essence; mind over heart; hope over presence; entitlement over compassion; denial over truth, and fear over love. It will become increasingly difficult to cling to old beliefs and cultural programming. This lingering attachment will lead to great pain and hostility on a global scale.

Believing that we can meditate, new age or “love and light” our way out of this predicament, or that we have the technological prowess and mastery over our environment to avert or survive a mass extinction is its own sort of hubris.

Taking the patriarchal way out through resistance or denial or hope or believing that politicians and CEO’s of corporations will have a miraculous change of heart and will fall to their knees in remorse, or that every living being in the web of life can die, but humanity is somehow immune from its own demise, is delusional.

Whether on a personal or planetary scale, the same level of conceit applies: that if we ignore it or if we only try hard enough, we can figure everything out and live happily ever after. But like Kali, goddess of death/destroyer of the false self, I’m here to demolish the arrogance of the collective illusion to liberate the Soul. My fierce love for this planet implores me to speak boldly for Gaea and for the Soul, and they have no interest in tiptoeing around fragile, conditioned egos anymore. Most people are too busy being “nice” or imperious to be present with Gaea as she needs. I am not one of them. I want to make this perfectly clear: no amount of hope, magical thinking, denial, or resistance will prevent the inevitable from happening. The biosphere is in a state of massive collapse and life on Earth is going down.

We are at the end of the line.

Michael Beckwith said it best, “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the Soul.” Kali and Gaea agree.

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My life has been in service to a better world. I’ve dedicated my soul to inspiring the remembrance that we are not separate. I’ve given my heart to activism to bridge the illusory gap between humans, animals and the natural world. I’ve resisted the machine through protests, rallies, petitions, marches, volunteering, clandestine activities, and direct action. I’ve woken up to more of my Soul (ongoing) and inspired the reclamation of Wholeness through my voice: my book(s), blog, interviews, public talks, and my podcast. I’ve inspired critical thought and compassion for all beings. I’ve given so much of my self to inspire a humanity aligned with the web of life. I’ve been swallowed by unfathomable grief and pain, only to emerge stronger and more expansive than ever.

I’ve done everything to serve a better world with the desperate hope that I would live to see the “more beautiful world my heart knew was possible.” But in the last few years, it has become increasingly clear to me that this world has always been nothing more than an elusive dream. With a collective of 7.4 billion and growing exponentially, each child birthed to this world is enslaved by the cultural conditioning of those who preceded them. Every human bred to this world is birthed to an industrialized civilization that conditions them to be separate, and to therefore negate life through the commoditization and consumption of animals, the Earth and their own Souls. There is no way to stop the wave of madness when the global mind has already been infected by it.

We are in a time of accelerated falling. We are living in a culture of denial amidst the reality of demise, and we find ourselves being forced to awaken within this demise. It’s all so bizarre. We are in a hidden crisis where we can look out the window and still see “normal”, but in reality, we are far from it. It’s a surreal existence to be awake and see/feel with clarity the complete breakdown of the web of life among such overwhelming denial and ignorance.

The poignancy of this time is bittersweet. It’s like being with a loved one who is in the end stages of their life. Only this time, it is me saying goodbye to everything that I love, as it too is leaving. We are dying together, while ironically, I am in perfect health: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am actually feeling more awake, alive, activated, lucid, and energized than I have my entire life. And so I live for moments in the presence of the sacred.

As all of this all plays out, many are living in great fear of the era of Trump. But from a consciousness perspective, Trump is merely a metaphor. Yes, he’s proven to be a sexual predator, misogynist, authoritarian demagogue, xenophobic lunatic, arrogant blowhard, and self-entitled elitist with narcissistic personality disorder, but he is not the evil, world-destroying entity that many claim him to be (although I do not delude myself to believe that he and his henchmen are not exceedingly dangerous). It is the collective consciousness that manifested the metaphor of Trump (and industrial civilization, ceaseless wars, abrupt anthropogenic climate disruption, mass extinction, ecocide, and biosphere collapse) that is responsible for destroying the world.

Trump is indeed an aggressive, mentally ill predator, but he is not as powerful as we make him out to be. Collective consciousness on the other hand, is an entirely different beast.

Let’s get real about this situation: to believe that a system created by a patriarchal mindset steeped in powerlessness within the paradigm of separation could ever bring about the massive change needed to transform this world, is insanity. It matters not who is voted “puppet master” within the system, because the system—and its accompanying consciousness—always dictates. Change will never happen from within a box that created the problems in the first place. Perhaps a violent madman is needed to bring the insanity of our corrupt world down once and for all so that we are forced to wake the fuck up.

As long as we believe that change is found outside of ourselves, we give our power away and remain trapped in an inert state of consciousness. If all of consciousness exists to be claimed within ourselves, the only thing that has ever blocked us from claiming it, is ourselves. Expecting change to occur outside while we ourselves are wounded and empty inside, is delusional. In the antiquated systems that we give our power away to, we are represented by who we are.

From judgement and blame, to bullying, fear and racism, to Donald Trump, war, misogyny, speciesism, abrupt climate disruption, and ecocide; these are all manifestations of our collective powerlessness. Trillions and trillions and trillions of small, medium, and large choices to blame, judge, oppress, dominate, and hate ourselves and the “other” over many centuries, have brought us to where we stand today. In the quantum paradigm, the energy of thought always precedes the physicality of matter. Matter has now been made manifest into the biggest fucking malignant tumor of degraded consciousness ever. Unless enlightened, we are all plugged into this consciousness. We are all responsible. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Donald Trump is who we are. As grotesque as this reality is, every one of us has a Donald Trump living within us. He is the perfect avatar for our collective consciousness—and for our collective powerlessness.

Our world is becoming increasingly hostile. Is it any wonder in our civilization of Soul deprivation? Aggression/hostility/violence/judgement/hate are all manifestations of powerlessness masquerading as power. It is fear made manifest. Patriarchy is the most pervasive expression of fear and powerlessness in our world. Externally sourced “power” from the illusion of the separate self (status, titles, degrees, wealth, “stuff”, appearance, etc.) creates greater emptiness inside and results in addiction to more external “power”. Like every other addiction however, what is missing on the inside cannot be filled from the outside, and so the quest for “power” will always be an illusive one—sadly, at the expense of countless living beings. We need not look far to see how powerless our Soul-impoverished civilization is in our externally sourced world. Like the hungry ghost in Buddhism, the appetite for “power” can never be satiated. That is because true power comes from within.

Powerlessness is a disconnect from the internal Self—the Soul. Everything destructive in our world is a manifestation of our Soul separation and subsequent powerlessness.

When we dominate another, be it through judgement, entitlement, blame, revenge, mindless choices (such as the consumption of animals and the Earth), emotional, mental or physical oppression and violence, we have the illusion of control and “power”, but in reality, this only highlights our powerlessness within.

This realization has helped me see with great clarity the tragedy of how utterly powerless our world is. With the gift of free will, we’ve chosen the emptiness of the conditioned, domesticated ego over the richness of the wise, untamed Soul. In doing so, we’ve deceived ourselves. By projecting the emptiness of our insecurity through an aggressive sense of superiority, we believe that we are powerful and in control.

But we are not. Our collective powerlessness is standing naked, in full view to show us what must be faced, healed and claimed within ourselves to become Whole. Sadly, few will be willing. So be it.

Action: Collective powerlessness. Reaction: Trump.

Cause: Soul separation. Effect: Accelerated biosphere collapse (there’s a common theme here).

The entire global collective voted for the metaphor of Trump. Whether they physically marked his name on the ballot or not is irrelevant. He is a resonant match for the degraded collective consciousness that believes in its own soulless superiority. Trump is simply what I call, the “Go Faster” button. He is a metaphor for the global consciousness that has negated the Soul and that must rise to the surface to complete its intent for accelerated biosphere collapse.

I confess that I’m not the least bit saddened about the end of our demented, predatory human world: patriarchy, misogyny, xenophobia, industrial civilization, slaughterhouses, technology, plastic, war, animal cruelty, entitlement, denial, animal agriculture, ocean rape, conformity, blame, powerlessness, consumption, judgement, mining, logging, fracking, “reality” tv, Facebook, Twitter, competition, arrogance, alcohol, drugs, pharmaceuticals, fear, compliance, indifference, ecocide…separation. Good fucking riddance! It cannot end fast enough for me. I readily admit however, that I am heartbroken about the destruction of the natural, true, real world: animals, fish, birds, insects, amphibians, nature, love, compassion, Truth, life, and the Soul. If only humanity confined the repercussions of its lunacy to its own species, the collapse would be much easier to navigate. I never wanted to see it end this way.

I’m finding myself increasingly dissociated from the prevailing (and normalized) mutation of the human psyche. I do not feel superior. I do not feel inferior. I do not feel equal. I feel…different—very, very different. I have always felt like an alien in this world. Perhaps I’m finally realizing that I am.

I also find myself quite naturally withdrawing from the external world. I rarely leave my sanctuary anymore, and when I do, I strategically plan for outings at times of the day when the foot soldiers for the industrial machine are imprisoned in their schools and their jobs. As I withdraw from the world “out there” (the illusion), I expand into more of my own inner world and connect that much deeper with the Soul of the Earth.

I’ve reached a stage in my life where I’ve let go of all resistance. I’m no longer willing to fight the machine. I’ve relinquished the burden of hope. I’ve liberated myself from all responsibility for the collective. I’ve released myself from the illusion and will now bear witness to humanity’s much needed dark night of the Soul.

I trust Gaea with every ounce of my being and I know that this tragic end will liberate her in ways that will finally bring peace. My love for her is so deep that I am willing to be sacrificed for that.

I step aside and allow Gaea to do what Gaea needs to do.

As my dear friend and mentor, Louise LeBrun writes, “ I know the innate genius of the planet is to express herself as she sees fit. Gaea, in her genius, is capable of creating for her own evolution that which would quite likely destroy. I love my planet. I am deeply moved by my planet. And I trust that She will engage in the most powerful and meaningful way, for her. In my deep love and caring, I am willing to bear witness. To be present, and do what is most meaningful for me, as I bear witness to Gaea doing what is most meaningful for Her; knowing full well that her choices to expand her life, may well end mine. Gaea does not need my concern. What she needs is my willingness and ability to own the truth of my own experience…and to engage accordingly.”

We seem to believe in our own superior “intelligence” over Gaea (and animals and nature). A fine example of intelligence we are! In the refusal to evolve beyond the inertia of our adolescent consciousness, we’ve ignored Gaea’s great wisdom and instead, we’ve trashed the house. Gaea does not make mistakes. She’s pissed, and we’re now getting the boot. The party is over and it’s time to grow up.

It’s initiation time.

Those who have negated their Souls will soon have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Awakening is no longer an option. It’s either awaken and “die”, or die asleep. In her great wisdom and need to expedite her own evolution, Gaea is bringing to us exactly what we deserve. As cartoonist Walt Kelly wrote in his 1970 Comic strip promoting environmental awareness, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Despite the immense suffering that will ensue, I have trust and peace in my heart, for I know that this is necessary for the collective because it was chosen by the collective. As bizarre as this great paradox is, perhaps self-annihilation is the apocalyptic grand finale that will finally awaken a comatose human species to the very Soul of who they are.

The Greek definition of apocalypse is “revelation”, or “a lifting of the veil”. As the truth of our collective Soul separation is being revealed—and in the desperation of our powerlessness—violence and denial will only rise, while those who fear the Soul most will become increasingly oppressive with their military-like rule. As previously mentioned, aggression is powerlessness (fear) disguised as power. But the heart/Soul is—and always has been—the only source of Power.

For the handful of people who understand this on a visceral level, they will also understand the urgency for their own accelerated evolution. This urgency prompts an awakening to the absolute present moment. Living in the present is the only thing that will set us free.

When we free ourselves from all things external, all things historical, and all things future-oriented, we liberate our Souls to live presently with acceptance. In this acceptance comes a release of attachment to any outcome. It is also a release in attachment to our own mortality. It means love for love’s sake alone. It means compassion for compassion’s sake alone. It means truth, critical thought, purpose, and passion for life because that is the very essence of who we are. Those who live in these final times with the spirit of love and compassion in their hearts will be rewarded by the infinite love of Gaea herself. I know this because I feel it every day.

In my own life, and in processing the somber truth of near-term extinction over the last year, I’ve reached such profound acceptance that I have no fear of dying tomorrow, because I’m living fully today. Truth be known, I’d rather die awake and alive than live asleep and numb. I’m grateful for the cognitive and spiritual awareness of these final times so I can live my life accordingly. This is the most sacred and liberating gift in facing this dire predicament.

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Linear time has been an age-old buffer to postpone our lives. But the accelerating Earth changes catalyzed by humans, means that Gaea is now robbing us of our buffer. Most people become hostile and angry when the rug of the buffer of time is pulled from beneath them. But the compression of time is also great motivation to live like we’ve always been meant to live.

When we look at everything that is going on with the climate, especially with the removal of the buffer of time, we must ask ourselves, where is the genius in this? Where is the great intelligence in what we’re experiencing as the collapse of the biosphere? It’s as if we’re being pressed into the recognition of something about ourselves (hint: the Soul) and we’re now losing all of our emergency exits. Time has been our greatest emergency exit, and the door has now been bolted closed.

With the acceleration of my own timeline since the premonitions of last year, I no longer live for a future. Truth be known, I can barely think beyond a few hours anymore.

It’s been an interesting paradigm shift to experience living without a future orientation. It has inspired me to explore the question, “What happens to meaning and purpose when there is no future?”

So much of my life has been tied to bringing meaning to the “now” through intentions for a future. Hopes. Dreams. Goals. Desires. Visions. Outcomes. Without a higher purpose with a future outcome/hope/dream/vision, I found myself feeling lost, useless, frustrated, and hopelessly sad.  This revealed to me how much of my identity was tied to an illusory future. It also showed to me the degree to which I/we have been trained to focus on tomorrow, only to become lost when faced with the prospect of only the “now”. In facing my own mortality—and that of everything I hold dear—I’ve stripped away the layers of conditioning that taught me that who I am is what I do, how I serve, and how I am recognized in my service to and for others. I now see how this was only ever an expression of part of who I am because it hinged on the illusion of a future of which I had no control.

Who I authentically am lives right now. She has only ever lived right now. Essence and presence are intricately intertwined. It’s impossible to be fully in my Essence/Soul when I’m hoping for a better future or living from a nostalgic past.

I now realize that my purpose has never been about what I do, how I serve or how I am recognized by others. My purpose has always been about being Deb Ozarko in all of my Essence in every single moment, with every single breath of life. My highest purpose has always been to evolve my Soul. I need no future for this because I can evolve right now.

In honoring my true purpose to evolve and to be, what I do and how I serve the more-than-human world and the Soul are expressed with organic, flowing, ever-changing ease. How I am recognized by others no longer matters because it is (and always has been) about me being 100%, completely, presently ME. What others think becomes irrelevant when I’m standing in the power of my Truth and my Essence.

With this pivotal realization, my only intention now is to let go of all that doesn’t feed my Soul in the moment. In this, I’m accessing a new fire within that motivates me in the present, without the need for a future to move me through the now. I’ve let go of my need for an outcome and instead, I simply move through life at a pace of my own design, with meaning found in that pace rather than any outcome or byproduct of it. By letting go of a need for an outcome, I can no longer be bought or controlled. I am no longer compelled or motivated by anything outside my Soul. This is not what my parents knew; not what theirs before them knew, and certainly not what the collective knows.

Meaning is now defined by moments: spreading feed for, and watching the birds; relishing the glisten of the sun on the snow; savoring the taste of homemade, vegan chocolate cake; conversing with the homeless because I care; helping animals in need because I give  a damn; belly laughing at the silly antics of my animal family; being awestruck by the mountainous beauty in which I live; spontaneous bouts of dancing in the living room just because I can; loving hard now because that is the very essence of who I am. I have freed myself from the addiction of strategically creating for tomorrow, rather than living fully today and allowing tomorrow to emerge from that. It’s both disorienting in its “newness” and liberating in its deep Truth.

When we live with a consciousness that includes a recognition and acceptance of imminent biosphere collapse, few others have the capacity to be present in that consciousness. It is the ultimate assault on the mortal, heavily conditioned ego. It is therefore a solo venture. It takes a profound connection to the Soul to process and hold this information with peace in one’s heart. It means redefining meaning and cultivating a solid inner sanctuary that masters activated presence.

As sacred activist, Andrew Harvey says, “If we are going to face near-term extinction with the kind of savage stupidity that we have faced almost everything else, then this time in our lives will be unimaginably violent, horrible and disgusting. And yet, if we face it with grace, we will seize the opportunity that the Divine is offering us to become truly adult, truly open, truly surrendered, truly loving, and we will confidently enter this crisis with trust.”

Trust. In Gaea and in the Soul. These are deeply spiritual times.

California quailIncreasingly, I find myself living in the world but not of it. At the same time, I am becoming more present to what matters most to me: animals, the natural world, simplicity, and sacred moments. I feel more connected to the Earth than ever before and this is bringing to me profound moments with tundra swans, Western screech owls (see blog photo taken in our back yard), mountain sheep, deer, eagles, red-tailed hawks, bobcats, California quail (some of my favourite peeps!), junkos, magpies, breathtaking sunrises/sunsets, ponderosa pines, and the handful of people in my life who are deeply committed to their denial-free, personal evolution in a world that is falling apart at the seams. I spend a lot of time in the presence of my Soul, my partner, and my animal companions. I never feel deprived or lonely.

California quailThere is so much talk these days about seeking “like-minded community” in these troubled times. But what is community? For me, community is about safety in a nurturing, connected relationship. It is not humancentric. As humans become increasingly foreign to me, my community consists of the forests, lakes, rivers, streams, trees, mountains, stars, sky, sun, wind, moon, deer, birds, chickens, pigs, bobcats, bears, cows, sheep, turkeys, dogs, cats, and all things natural in this world. I understand them. I’m not judged by them. They never impose their beliefs or opinions on me. They don’t try to change or “fix” me. They don’t live in hope or denial. They are pure presence. They are who they are, in all of who they are. I feel connected and safe in their presence, and I never, ever feel alone. In their presence, I am fully plugged into my Essence. My “community” helps me cultivate my inner sanctuary in ways that are deeply connected to my Soul. The greatest gift in these apocalyptic times is the sacred tenderness that inspires me to love more deeply, intensely, and intimately than ever before. My community inspires this within me.

I have devoted my life to “saving” those who have suffered most at the hands of humanity: animals and the natural world. In the relational spirit of reciprocity, I now open myself fully to allow animals and the natural world to “save” me so that my own Soul can expand and awaken into the purest Essence of my being. Perhaps then, I can break the cycle of samsara once and for all so that I never incarnate among such a depraved, spiritually impoverished species again. My dream is that next time, I will live among beings who remember the deepest core Essence of who they are. What a beautiful thing that would be.

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The legacy of my life is almost complete. I have served without holding back. I have given all of my heart and Soul for a better world. Now it is time for me to allow and to receive. After this post, I will be putting my work on hiatus and following my own advice to cultivate my inner sanctuary by communing with my beautiful natural community while it still remains. As I work on my next book, Beyond Hope: Living Fully, Loving Hard and Letting Go of a World in Collapse, I will share occasional excerpts with those who remain on my email list. If I feel inspired to write another post, I will do so. I no longer commit myself to a schedule however.

I will continue the podcast for a few more episodes before that too will be on hiatus. My priorities in these urgent times are the completion of my book, serving animals and the Earth, and living fully now.

As my work nears its completion, it is incumbent upon me to evolve my Soul and be fully activated in my presence for whatever time is left. By embracing the reality of the greatest crisis on Earth, I’m liberated.

In the end, my message remains unchanging. In these increasingly desperate times, live like you mean it, find joy in the sacred, cultivate your inner sanctuary (and fiercely protect it). Allow the energies of Gaea and your own Soul to permeate your being. Redefine meaning and community to suit your needs. Embrace sacred moments. Evolve as if you will live forever, and live as if you will die tomorrow. Serve the sacred. And never, ever, ever question the voice of your heart.

This does not need to be a time of despair. It can be a time of great liberation by returning to the undomesticated, feral, purest nature of your Essential being.

With love and gratitude,

Deb

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This Post Has 26 Comments
  1. I absolutely LOVE this post. Right to the core, right to the heart..Thank you Deb for saying what all the people with their eyes and minds and hearts open are feeling and thinking. I love you!

    1. Rae: as someone who has been ‘in the trenches’ and has given their heart and soul to compassion for their entire life, I know YOU understand my words on a visceral level. We’re living in heartbreaking, yet sacred times. I love you too!

  2. Deb, Thank you for your unflinching honesty! My husband and I are in agreement, as much as my denial system would like to stay in intact. in truth, it’s been nearly obliterated anyway. You have helped to push me over the edge. For that I greatly appreciate you. Keep me on your list.

  3. Well written, Deb. I had similar feelings as the new year approached with very few opportunites to share them. Your words are not thrown into the wind, though. I think I speak for most of your readers and listeners in saying that you provide strength and encouragement by how you are living and what you are expressing. Love and gratitude to you and your partner too.

  4. I absolutely loved this. I had tears streaming down my face the entire time. I learned so much about myself through your words. Imagine that. I have the absolute honour of sharing my life with you and yet here I am learning even from your wisdom through your written words.

    xo Deb

  5. I could have written this myself, it resonates on so many levels … except I didn’t. It was great and beautifully written. Great achievements are great, even if they are forgotten. So much was forgotten in the race to modern civilisation. I have been watching the tragedy unfold and accelerate since the mid-1990s. For the past four years, I have been compiling a news database at a rate of about 10 change-indicating articles a day designed to give people both context and a longer term perspective covering the whole of environmental change, not just so-called climate change. As it happens, last week I saw that in key facets the rate of change indicators have moved from “increasing acceleration” to “tending exponential”.

    “I am actually feeling more awake and alive than I have my entire life. And so I live for moments in the presence of the sacred.”

    We too. ‘We’ means all-our-relations in the woodland I have been given the opportunity to work with. Its beauty and that of the Devon countryside has been heartrendingly beautiful as Autumn would not turn into Winter.

    But like with the database work, the woodland work will go on, because it expresses a sacred relationship. We will continue to do Sweat Lodges, but only for us denizens.

    “I’ve let go of all resistance. I’m no longer willing to fight. I’ve relinquished hope. I’ve liberated myself from all responsibility for the collective. I’ve released myself from the illusion and will now bear witness to humanity’s dark night of the soul.”

    Yes again. A few years ago, I stupidly fell 15 feet on my back onto concrete. First there was the realisation, “this could be the end” and then I completely relaxed. Anyone with any experience of falling knows that relaxing is the only thing to do. So as we hurtle towards our ultimate impact with reality at full throttle, it is time to relax. And as you say, if you can find plants and animals to help and relate with, they will help — they don’t blame, either.

    And if the earth is sacred, all that is outside our little world must be sacred too. That’s not redemption, but it may be some solace.

    worldwidewood.wordpress.com

    http://open-intelligence.co.uk/environmental…/index.php

    1. Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt words Jan. I’m in tears…especially from your last two paragraphs. The resonance is profound. Thank you, thank you. Blessings to you.

      1. I don’t know whether you looked into our database. Every article (now nearly 15,000) was added and classified by my own fair hand / mind. The only way to survive the onslaught is by adopting a grim professionalism. Sometimes, certain stories touch me more – like the fact that giraffes are going extinct “un-noticed”. The daily horror is relentless, has been for years. But it is important to witness as much as possible – it is a kind of honoring, I suppose. And I get to see first, which gives me a buzz, I must confess.

        On the other hand, there is where I live and how I live there which is as close to paradise as it is possible to get, I reckon. I have also thought a lot about what you call privilege. It might be good to talk about these things in private? I think you have my email from this blog.

  6. Wow Deb. you’ve called it. Big time. Thankyou.

    There is no mistaking the grief, disappointment and rage that sits alongside the surrendering-in-process that you are in the midst of. Those contradictory things come through in your post beautifully although you don’t specifically name that.

    We are ALL deeply attached to the physical world – too few to the natural world – and all its reminders about what is beautiful and true in our lives. But as you yourself say, the outside world is an illusion, which is part of the paradox of this awakening process: the letting go of something which has a greater purpose than to exist for its own sake and which in the end doesn’t exist in any absolute sense any way. What is true and how do we give priority to THAT as the illusion starts to crumble and alongside that our false identity which is caught up in its existence?

    The physical world is a beautiful reminder of the opportunity we are given – and continue to be given – to choose Love. That’s what is true and unshakeable. The fact that we have so often chosen NOT to choose love as born out by the state of the world, doesnt do anything to remove that gift we are all given. We CAN choose love but for the most part it appears we’ve forgotten what that even means.

    So, thats why I really connected with your words around the importance of us all now connecting with our hearts and ‘the sacred tenderness that inspires me to love more deeply, intensely, and intimately than ever before’. As you say, its this that will allow us to move into the next phase of our collective awakening with the awareness of the point of it all.

    Unlike you Im not so grumpy with humanity and its failure to ‘get it’. I think thats part of what we are meant to discover – that we – individually and separated from nature and each other and the Divine – CANT get it. I’ve spent my life as an environmental activist, but Im under no illusions that within the core of my being are the same elements that are in each separated human being that are the cause of that separation.

    Its our destiny to fail in our separated state. At the ultimate point of failure I believe we will ALL get to discover that all we needed to do was to – as you so eloquently put in your post – step aside and let Gaea do her thing. To ‘let go of all resistance’ so that we can be ‘saved’ and our ‘Soul(s) can expand and awaken into the purest essence of being’.

    I really appreciate your commitment to stand by nature and like no other person – to acknowledge the brutal truth of what we are in the midst of. At the same time, without “hopium” (which is where I joined your story) you give meaning to what it is to be truly alive. Its an amazing offering. Thank you so much.

    best wishes and love

    Steve

  7. Having come to essentially the same assessment of predicament, role and responsibilities to self, others and our common home, from which we have divorced ourselves, I quibble only a bit: it would be helpful for us to have documentation on at least one, oft repeated benchmark.
    That is the “extinction of 200 species pre day”. I’ve looked up a goodly range of reports on rate of species extinction, including E.O. Wilson’s “Half Earth”, and find plenty of concern and a very wide range of projections…. I appreciate that your current post is just a personal declaration, not a science document; however key points offers should be backed up.
    Peace – and many thanks for being a voice in our civilized wilderness.

    Mel

    1. Quite frankly, it matters not to me whether it’s one species disappearing daily or 10,000 species daily. The disappearance of life is noticeable, the silence palpable for anyone with any connection to the natural world. Methinks your quibbling mind would rest more easily if you allowed your heart to tell you its Truth. Nothing else matters then. To be perfectly honest, my heart tells me the number is far, far greater than what the “experts” tell us. Getting lost in, and attached to the miniscule details removes me from presence and I’ve already done enough of that in my life. I know that the web of life is in collapse, and that alone is enough for me to wake up to the urgency of fully living in the now.

  8. Hi Deb, very honest and heartfelt post. We need more voices like yours out there. I only want to offer you an interesting possibility to consider. Instead of thinking of human beings as an evolutionary experiment gone wrong, what if this is exactly what Gaea has planned for us? Stephen Harrod Buhner says this best when he suggests Gaea created us human beings for the glorious purpose of reproduction on other planets. Thinking of our great service to Gaea in this way took a load off my mind. As Buhner says, Nature doesn’t make mistakes.

    1. Thanks Todd. Interesting thoughts. Another consideration: Perhaps Buhner’s humancentric timeline isn’t accurate and humans have already populated other planets and rendered them uninhabitable as well. I sure hope that we—in our current state of consciousness—never have an opportunity to populate and destroy another planet. What a tragedy that would be—especially when we are so much more at the very core of our infinite being. It would be a shame to waste the amazing beauty of our Souls ever again.

      1. Hi, Deb, thank you so much for your reply! I want to offer one clarification, because I fear I have misrepresentated Buhner and myself as human supremacists and that is not the case. Buhner explains that all the satellites and other items we’ve sent into space are covered with the building blocks of life on earth – bacteria – so Gaea can start her evolutionary experiment again on other worlds. Sending bacteria out into space certainly wasn’t our intention in exploring the stars – but it could very well be Gaea’s. In this way, he is not describing how humans colonize other planets but rather how planetary intelligences like Gaea reproduce.

        1. Thanks for the clarification Todd. So perhaps all of our space junk has a useful purpose in the end after all. The ultimate irony. 🙂

  9. Thanks for your honesty and frankness. There are only a few places to find these qualities. I look forward to reading the excerpts from your book! Continue to do what you gotta do!

    Matt, transitionrewild.blogspot.com

  10. Hi. I’m a kindergarten teacher in California trying to clarify my own response/stance to the state of the planet. This helps me. Thank you. Malcolm.

  11. Dear Deb,
    I agree with you in many aspects but I do have a different view on how things may develop. I navigated the NTE many times with shock, pain, anger, grief and a thorough sense of overwhelm difficult to shake off…

    I don’t give up on humans, because I have seen the other side: we are capable of creating, sharing and learning beauty, love, compassion, joy…

    I agree with you that many use all kinds of stuff to numb themselves away from what’s happening, and that worsens the situation. However, I feel called to stay and do my best to support the awakening and eventual journey through soul territory (which is very earthy and painful but liberating).

    Whether we have five or a 100 years, we each need to find what we’ll do with our time left. You found your call into the more-than-human world of Nature and all her beings, some of us found the call as doulas or even hospice workers of this dying era. I don’t necessarily celebrate the collapse because of all the pain and destruction it brings (including other species going extinct and suffering on their way through and out), but I am relieved that the implosion will bring a sort of relief and will pave the way for whatever needs to come after, even if it takes thousands of years to happen.

    Hugs

    Silvia

    1. We all have our own journey. We all have our own path. We all have our own calling. You have found yours, and that is a beautiful thing.

      I have let go of the adolescent, conditioned, soul-impoverished human. It is time for them to find their own way—just as I did. Every mother in the animal kingdom allows their offspring to fail so they may flourish and grow into their own innate wisdom. This has not been the case for homo sapien however. It is time for humanity to grow up, and NTE is a most profound initiation. Our Great Mother is setting up the conditions for awakening, and like all initiation processes, there will be pain and suffering. I am not looking forward to this, but I have made peace with it and know that Gaea knows what is best for her—and for her wayward children. My love for Gaea is so deep, that I have finally let go. This has shown me an even greater love that I am unable to articulate. I can now be her witness and leave this incarnation knowing that my love trumped all.

      I have never—and will never—give up on the Soul however. That is the essence of my words. And that is who I write for: the immortal Self. I do not write for the conditioned mind: the mortal self. I write from the heart, for the heart. Those who are ready, will feel my words and will remember their own essence. My hope is that my work will inspire at least one other person to release their habits, wounds, pains, stories, and patterns to remember that they are so much more than who they believe themselves to be. In that, there is liberation, and samsara becomes a thing of the past.

      Kali is my inspiration. She is the Soul’s best friend. She is feared and despised by the mortal human ego however. I don’t care. My allegiance is to the Soul. That’s life. 🙂

      So you and I are both working for…better. You for humanity. Me for the Soul. Together, we create a better Whole.

  12. This entry was so powerful for me to read!

    I noticed that you added a quote from Andrew Harvey on facing NTE that I totally agree with. I love Andrew Harvey, but he seems to have a love for humanity that I simply cannot share. He talks about embracing people and guiding them through the dark times, and I just can’t get myself to do that.

    I have no problem with the ideas of planting trees or rescuing animals, but holding the average human by the hand in these times is not an idea that I like very much. I used to think there would be a mass awakening and that people would be able to pick up the pieces and rebuild the earth, but the more I witnessed the complete embrace of the growing depravity that is out there and the retreat of the positive things, the more I started to grow more disgusted with the human race to the point where I was consumed by hatred for them. Now that I’m a Buddhist I am no longer consumed by that hate. I just learned to let go of the masses and, like you, feel that they have to find their own way like I did. Honestly, though, the very thought of reaching out to the human race does make me physically ill. That is the one conflict that I have with Andrew Harvey. I do realize that AH has no illusions about the state that the average person is in, but he seems to feel that they are worth saving.

    I don’t think that’s possible. The human race had every chance in the world to get their act together, and they rejected those chances. I don’t think that there is anything else that can be done for them. I personally think that most people are going to die stupid.

    Honestly, is Dylann Roof, Bill Cosby, or Imelda Marcos so terribly different from the average person out there. All three have a profound sense of entitlement, delusion and outright nastiness.

    Wait until things really get bad. 😛

    1. I just returned from spreading seeds for the birds (and deer, it seems) to read your comment—communing with my beautiful awakened, peaceful community. It is brutally cold where I live and my heart aches for my fellow Earthlings who could use a little helping hand. “Unprecedented cold” is the language used by the locals. Not so when the Arctic is in meltdown and the jet streams are all messed up because of this meltdown. As Jennifer Hynes said to me in a recent conversation, “If it’s not up there, it’s down here. And that’s bad.”

      I see it for what it is. Another sign. The masses will carry on with the monotony of their lives and just grumble about the cold. Meh.

      My response is yes to all of what you wrote. The resonance is profound. I also believe that most people will die stupid, ignorant, denial-infected and separate. So be it. That is their choice. That is their initiation. I wrote in my essay last year something along the lines of, “Jesus, Lao Tzu and Buddha had first dibs on the message of awakening and here we are, thousands of years later and in a deeper coma than ever—and with exponentially more zombies.” C’est la vie. Like you, I will plant trees, hug trees, relish the beauty of this planet, feed birds (and the other awakened non-human beings who visit our sanctuary), rescue animals, and love the natural world with every ounce of my being. That comes so naturally—much like breathing. No point fighting the inevitable anymore when all it does is enrage and deplete.

      When we completely let go and trust in Gaea, it becomes much easier to navigate. Who am I to think I can do ‘better’ than her anyways? She’s got our backs. Not our mortal backs, but our immortal backs, and that’s more important to me anyways.

      Re Andrew Harvey: I have a hunch that he’s more on the same page than you know. I will be interviewing him for an upcoming podcast on January 20th (how ironic). Release date for that episode will be Feb. 1st. I’ll see where he is really at. 😉

      There will be no awakening. Thousands of years has been ample opportunity for this to happen don’t you think?! Now it’s time for the Soul to thrive. The Soul could care less about human mortality because she knows that immortality is Truth. Soul evolution is where it’s at. These are our times. Not fun, but the collective has spoken and so they will finally get what they’ve asked for.

    2. I feel compassion for people, even those who seem almost evil, because I know that when they came into this world that each was a sweet, innocent baby. If you plant a sapling in soil depleted of nutrients, shut out the sun and water it with poison, will it grow into that great and beautiful tree it had the potential to become? Not likely. Many of us are doomed from the start. And I’m not just talking about those born with disabilities, those born in poverty or in a war torn country. I’m talking about the many who seem to be privileged, materially, but are fed a diet of lies, overnourished with ideas of self-importance and entitlement but deprived of unconditional love. They are taught to worship things and compete with each other. I could go on and on. In some lives these teachings are more subtle, but the effects are pervasive. They are brainwashed. It may seem like I’m making excuses for them…but the other day I really questioned myself about what was it that woke me up from that state? The grace of God? 20 years ago I would smoke a cigarette and carelessly flick the butt on the ground. I was blind and lost in many ways. It is with humility I recognize this. Yes, I will be one reaching out to the last of the lost.

      1. We are all needed Jane and your words are beautiful and wise. Like Kali, I cut through the poison to access, and speak to the Soul. There is no fluff in my words. As Ken Wilber said, “Real compassion kicks butt and takes names. If you are not ready for this fire, then find a New Age, sweetness-and-light, perpetually smiling teacher. But stay away from those who practice real compassion because they will fry your ass, my friend.” I agree.

        Humanity has had thousands and thousands of years to awaken—from the time of Jesus and Buddha, perhaps long before that. The degradation of human consciousness is exponentially greater since then, and the repercussions of that consciousness will soon be felt by all. I am already feeling it, and have been for years. You will have your work cut out for you, but as I said to Silvia, we are all needed. You for humanity. Me for the Soul. The Soul is desperate to no longer drink the poison of human conditioning, and so the conditioning must be dissolved. Because of the steadfast attachment to that conditioning however, dissolution will not be without pain, suffering and death. Attachment is the greatest form of suffering.

        Many years ago I learned a valuable lesson at an Al-Anon meeting in a desperate attempt to figure out a solution for a much loved family member with a debilitating—and denied—drinking problem. I sat with other concerned family members in the presence of an Al-Anon alumni, a man who told the story of his alcoholic wife. No amount of compassion, love or offerings of help could reach her. The depth of his caring was rejected and succeeded in only driving her further away. In the depths of his despair, he learned how to love her without interfering in her personal journey. He shared with me a powerful phrase that changed my life: Compassionate detachment.

        I learned through the power of his story, that contrary to what culture teaches us, we are most loving when we stay out of each others business and allow life’s lessons to unfold. This is the only way to grow up. Sometimes it means failing, bottoming out, or even death. Other times it means awakening. That is the journey of the Soul.

        In my own life, it was unimaginable pain and heartache that woke me up. There was nowhere to run or hide. That pain was the catalyst that prompted me to delve into the Soul. It hurt beyond words, but it was worth it in the end. I know intimately, the power of the dark night of the Soul. It is an initiation like no other. I have ached to see an awakened humanity because I care so deeply for the Soul. I know that the only way for this to happen is to no longer engage, negate, numb, oppress, and medicate the “inner victim” and instead, to expose her, heal her and set her free so that the Soul can finally blossom and emerge. It means no longer clinging to the excuses and stories of what is now past and evolving into adult consciousness. It is the path of the warrior that Pema Chodron so wisely speaks of. It is a coming of age like no other. It’s time.

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